Exteremism and Stupidity, Younger than you'd think Pt.2: Wiccans Witchs and bears oh my!

So I pretty much dispise Wiccans. I know thats not much of a shock, given my virtol for the vast majority of people, but rarely does a group of people so encapsulate everything I see as wrong with the world. Wiccans manage to be, all at the same time, the worst parts of Christiantity, Veganism, Technophobia, Nostaligia and Hypocritics.

I'm going to talk about the origins of Neo-druids and wiccans, as they are very closely intertwned. That way when your lame fatass friend turns up talking about how much they love the "Godess within me" and how "pure" life used to be, you can laugh at them more than you usually would. As usual though, I wont give you everything. But enough to find out the rest easily.

Lets begin with how old wicca is. Wicca is often seen as an anchient religion, a closely guarded horde of magical secerts passed down through generations and in covens. Hell, they burned Witchs way back right? They were Wiccans I bet.

No dont be stupid why would I even use that subject if it was what you expected? I'm not gonna write a paragraph on how Wiccans have subpar bathing habbits either.Wicca, in and of itself, is about 60 years old, give or take. Yes 60. My Grandfather is older than these "secerts". I will concied one point to the Wiccans for having the Religious Leader most likley to play himself in a a movie about wizards:

Look at that fucking guy. If I showed you a picture and said "hey guess what this guy did" your answer would have to be either Gandalf or Wicca founder.

Thats Gerald Gardner by the way, Founder of Wicca. He claimed that, after spending a couple of his years traveling asia gwaping at the "magical" natives, he came home and was indoctrinated into a coven of anchient pagan witchs which no one else has been able to find. After this conversion he goes off and spreads this new "old" religion around like some kind of horrible, moldy butter (something I'm sure the Wiccans reading are able to picture very well, seeing how they likley just got finished eating a chunk of horrible moldy butter). 60 years later and that fat goth girl is telling you how much shes intouch with a vague, unexplained "godess" (completely leaving how the dualistic part of Wicca, there should be a God and a Godess and Doc Brown up there made up names and everythuing for them).

Now how old a religion is shouldnt make a differnce I guess. Its just as "valid" as one made 2000 years ago. At least it would be if it didnt pretend it was made 2000 years ago to add to the mystic, I guess. I mean for christ sake their 10 commandments are called the Wiccan Rede and are all written in friggin Ye Olde Englishe, their festivals are called Sabbats and they all dress like people who get turned away from Ren Faires for being "too into it".

Wicca is a bit like the English language, in that its a filthy, lying thief without an origanal idea in its head. The vast majority of Wiccan beliefs come from a guy called Alister Crowely, who you may know from a certain song by black sabbath. Basically he made up a whole lot of shit about magic and evil and darkness and was essencially the first dude to go "Hey, if I pretend to be deep and brooding and cool and dark, I get alot of sex!". So he set off on his white horse and became known as the "Most Evil Man Ever" Cowley is a pretty interesting guy I guess, but this isnt about him, only the madcap thing he helped spawn.

Everything else in Wicca has been pretty much made up as they go along, so much so that almost every "Coven" of Wiccans has VASTLY differing rules, ideas and belifs. It has one of the highest numbers of denominations in the entire world.

Their morality code is pretty much the funniest part of the whole thing. As I said earlier, its in Ye Olde, despite being written about the same time as Elvis was alive. It can be summed up as such "Do whatever, so long as no one gets hurt". If that sounds like something a 10 year old would write when making up his own totally rad religion, then congrats, you're not a wiccan. if those seemed like wise words of unfathomable meaning, go fuck yourself. you selfish little shit.

So in conclusion, Wicca is 50 years old, its rules are made up on the spot even to this day and its morality code is some simplistic bullshit with no real meaning. Tadaaa.

Interesting note on the fulidity of the ruleset of Wicca by the way, The Wiccan "Holy Book" is the Book of Shadows (yes really) and it was origanally invisioned that every single wiccan would copy a version of it down from their teacher, changing parts where they saw fit and basically producing billions of differnt texts. I actually love this idea, its utterly fantastic. Except they dont do it, every single copy of the book of shadows is exactly the same as the one Gardners' student copied down. Well done Wicca.
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