Why Tabloids are Worthless

I'll preface this by saying that I know this is an easy and overdone traget but its something I feel strongly about and NO ONE READS THIS ANYWAY SO I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT.


I'm going to be all Current Issues Journalist here today and talk about a couple things like the war, Mr Richard Dannatt's criticisms of the governments methods of fighting the war but most of all I'm going to us these as a framing device to attack the Tabloid papers here in the UK. With that out of the way, lets begin.

The war in Iraq is a terrible war, with heavy casualties on both sides, questionable reasoning's behind it and worst of all, full time 24/7 media coverage of every single idea, decision and bullet launched in this gruelling, horrific blotch on the world. let me first be clear in saying my feelings on the war are irrelivent to this discussion, Werther or not I am against, for, or activly fighting the war doesn't matter right now. My gripe is with the coverage of it.

In the news very recently, Sir Richard Dannatt has publicly attacked the government over their refusal to provide more troops. The news and media as a whole is having a god damn field day with this, twisting quotes out of context, blowing it out of proportion and as ever, playing the public like an idiot. Allow me to link you to two reports, one from now and one from a little while ago. Now, read both of these and tell me what you found. If you found that the newspaper in question both is against more troops in Iraq AND for it? Well done, you have found the point of this blogpost.

The more astute of you may have also put the following together. One of the main reason we can not send more troops to Iraq is because of the publicity the war gets. There is also funding, with the economic crisis and manpower and a whole host of other issues, but PR plays into it also. A large number of newspapers have been, for the past 2 or 3 or 4 years, fighting the deployment of more troops with all of their wordspace. Thus making it harder for any PM to justify more troops, thus they have to deny deployment, thus the Leader of the Army stands down and attacks the PM for not deploying more troops, at which point the newspapers go "YEAH!". Still with me? Good.

Here is the problem with the Tabloids in the UK. They will spend as long as they want to, whipping their readers (a significant portion of the country) into a frenzy over a certain topic, then when they deem it newsworthy, pull a complete 180 and have their readers decrying the very ideal they have been standing for the whole while, regardless of the effects of this on the rest of the world. Its as if the concepts of journalistic intergrity and a journalists duty to the public simply don't apply in this country.

Further proof of this can be seen in this years Famous People Death Streak, and is best shown through Micheal Jackson and Jade Goody. Ho HO! you all must be saying, Now hes going after the dead horse with a steam roller.

Some of you may remember MJ's coverage in the media pre-2009 as...shall we say, negative? And most certainly unbias, if nothing else. Then he died and all of a sudden he went from Wacko Jacko, Kind of Pedophiles and lord of all Strangness to THE KING OF POP. All in one day. Funny how that happens. This, to me, seemed probably alot worth than the Jade hysteria the media had created, because here was an innocent man, who changed the world and created wonderful, incredible things, forever tarnished by his coverage in the media. It sells more papers to say "JACKO PEDO" than it does to say "JACKO NOT REALLY PEDO, PROVEN INNOCENT, WE'RE SORRY". Perhaps the coverage of his funeral and death is supposed to be penance. I'd like to think that, but now the subject is "JACKO OWNED BILLIONS" and "JACKO WACKO ON TABBACO" or whatever.

As a side track, MJ did not owe billions, nor did he take any more medicine than is normal for a man in his condition. The man owned most of the Beatles rights and he took loans against that. He was far, far in the green. My grandparents probably take 50x the amount of pills that is claimed he took and no one is attacking them for listening to doctors to stay alive.

Jade Goody had a very similar and at the same time, differnt rise. Jade started off as "The most annoying BB Contestent" at best, and a shoplifting moronic child at worst. Then she got cancer and became a maytr. her antics that were described as retarded became "childlike innocence and hilarious blunders". The poor woman was hounded down to her last moments and the public loved it. They treated her as if she was the second comming, culminating in a funeral rivalling Jackson's. It came to a head when she was described by multiple sources as a Hero. At least more people got check ups after that and undoubtedly that saved a couple lives, which I am thankful for.

My argument is a well walked one. There is little intergirty or any real journalism going on in the current news media here in England, and when there is, it is overshadowed by slop like the crap I have shown here.I do have more to say, but I feel I should cut this here. Just remember the next time the news is complaining about the lack of troops in Iraq or how Yobs are ruining England, remember that they themselves are part of the problem they are against, and every word they write only serves to increase the issues they so verminantly protest.


I know I used The Sun in this, but this isnt a attack against them in perticular, they are just one of the biggest tabloids and have one of the more usable sites of them. Thanks for that Sun.

Cthulhu is Bullshit

Cthulhu is a giant horrible squid head basterd who lives at the bootom of the sea bothering troubled writers and estranged brothers. He looks like this;

He's also probably the least threatening monster every to be overhyped and turned into an internet meme. But Nems you charismatic stallion who steals "audeence talks to entertainer within his own section as though they are really there" jokes from old 50s comedians, Cthulhu is scary as heck, he can send you mad and hes really tall and Cthulhu flatagnag'r'ythel;yehjl'thyel', I hear you cry. Well no, no he is not, I can tell you this because I am without a doubt better than you. So you should listen to me. All 2 of you who read this get strapped in. I'm going to be all "Negative critic" because everyone on the internet likes those!

First off, the big C is asleep. This renders him significantly less terrifiying. He isnt just napping either, hes asleep iuntil "the stars are right" meaning hes asleep for fucking ever. The various books he is in say he can control minds and send everyone in earth mad within seconds, except he cant because he is underwater.

Now, I'm a pretty forgiving reader, so long as it seems to make sense within a setting, I can accept that. However, Cthulhu is a fucking squid monster. Look at him, go on, scroll up and look at him. He has tenticles for a mouth and big googly eyes and fins and he commands an army of fish people. And his powers dont work underwater too well, oh thats fantastic Cthulhu, You're striking fear into me already, what with your usless mind powers and wings (why does a God need wings anyway?)

Next up, Hes a preist. I'm not insulting any priests reading this (though I would wonder why they are. but then I wonder why anyone would be reading this) by saying it is not the most terrifying profession. I am not scared by priests. But Lovecraft chose to make Cthulhu, the big demon squid monster from outerspace who lives in atlantis and will be what he was remembered for, a priest. I'm just not feeling it.

In door number 3, and probably the biggest killer of C's ability to scare me, Every single time he shows up in any of the books (by lovecraft) he dies. I mean he doesnt DIE, no he has godmode on, but someone makes him go back to bed.in his first apperiance (Call of Cthulhu) he makes a boat captain go nuts and sends a writer slightly upset. The writer responds by driving a fucking boat through his big head. God DAMN a fucking BOAT, I'd like to take a minute here and say how god damn badass metal fucking balls to the walls nuts you have to be to see THIS.

 And then drive your fucking steam paddle boat pile of shit through its head. I mean come the fuck ON. This guy should be making action movies or some shit

 C's head explodes and slowly starts forming back, but not before Writer and Loony Captain make good on their escape. Then C decided he didnt want to burn the world that day and goes down for another nap. Now see, heres the real problem I have with Cthulhu. He gets stopped by an author driving a boat through he head. A boat from the 1920s or something, imagine for a second this giant beast turns up on earth now. I can not see it making much headway (badumtish) before the military fire some missiles at it or they send in some demo experts or the writer guy drives an ironclad into him or they send in bruce willis with that guy from the green mile. I can not, in good faith, be scared of a monster that can be completly rendered usless and helpless by an inept and soon to kill himself writer driving a wooden steamboat through his head for these reasons.

Last of all, I ran a DnD Campaign where the dwarf killed him by teleporting inside of him and casting a spell that made him grow 200 feet tall. That pretty much robbed me of all fear I could ever possibly have of demonic squid men living in a pineapple at the bottom of the sea.

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