Exteremism and Stupidity, Younger than you'd think Pt.1: Islamic Extremism


I hear that from pretty much every news channel basically 24/7. So being the bright man I am I decided to find out exactly who these "terrorists" are and why they want to blow me up and steal my kids. And because I also like positive reenforcement from a buntch of annonymous internet people, I think I'll share my findings with you.

The Terrorists, as the news likes to refer to them, are, for now, Muslim exteremists, You know the kind, woman stoning hand cutting off bastards who steal our planes and kidnap news reporters and the like. You would be forgiven for assuming these guys have been around forever, really, thats fine, I did too. What might shock you is that they have been around for less than 70 years, by one or two guys. Just because I like making you guys work, I'll talk about the first guy, you guys can find the rest.

Sayyid Qutb was a critic at heart. Untill sometime in the 1950s he took a trip around the US, and, as critics are want to do, he got angry. He was angry at what he saw as an evil empire, where the people were corrupt and decadent, where the country itself was falling appart and spreading its influence as it did. This line of thinking happened to coincide with some of the darkest times in America's history so far, the war just ended an all, prohibition, rioting and so on.

Now this wouldnt be so bad if, at the time, the US wasnt the biggest guy around. I know today its similer, America is this huge giant that sort of blunders around, wrecking loads of shit, but back then the UN wasnt really a power, the world still thought in the terms of East v West. So Qutb declared his hate for the entire West, after seeing the US. He hated everything that came with the West, democracy, nationalism, but mostly what he saw as the decadence and commercialism.

So he says "Fuck that" and goes home to Egypt, only to find his world had already started changing into the west he so despised. And because he hated what his country had become and the goverment of egypt was "west friendly" to say the least, he was arrested. While in captivity he was also tortured. If its one thing life has taught me, its this: If you have some crazy guys that hate something, unless your name is O'Brien, Dont fucking torture them you idiot.

As it turns out, having your balls bitten off by a dog will do loads to radicalise a guy, so our man gets to work, writes a book called "Signposts" that attacks the government, accusing it of being unmuslim and explaining that, due to them being unmuslim, killing them is tops. The book painted the world in black and white, with Qutb as the Good guy and the west as the worst of the worst.

Sayyid gets out of jail, and a couple of years later is the head of a group know as the Muslim Brotherhood. in 1966 he was hung and died.

Unfortunatly, before that he taught someone called Dr Ayman Al-Zawahiri, who in turn taught everyone's favourite cave dweller, Osama Bin Laden.

I want to go on about hos Muslims are smart, and at one point where the one shining light of civilisation in the world during the Dark Ages, but I honestly dont know enough on that subject.

Next time we're gonna take a look at where those ancient gods of Wicca come from. Because I fucking hate wiccans.
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