Fuck Apple

I want to push Steve Jobs down a well.

Not that it would help of course, according to most apple enthusiasts he'd simply stand on the water, levitate up and present me with a compact stylish new music player or  toaster oven or some other shiny white turd ripped from a cheesey 70s sci fi serial but with less functionality. Oh no Flash, I can't get my Smiths album to load because my MP3 player is shit.

Maybe its gulibility or more likley the same tribalism that binds all of us to our certain lifestyles but somehow Jobs has managed to create a cult surrounding his substandard products. The irony of this is they seem to consider Apple the "good guys", the Paridiso to Microsoft's Inferno when this could not be farther from the truth. Lets find out why!

I'll start with evidence that MS is the devil. Well, I suppose the first thing they did was aggressively market MS-DOS and various other DOS products over genuinely better software. I will concede this is kinda a dick move but when you are in the business world its usually whoever makes the most dick moves wins. Apple themselves are guilty even today of marketing substandard products to their fan base for exuberant amounts of money. Two wrongs certainly don't make a right, but my point is in the world of business there are much much worse things than Aggressive marketing.

Evil Evidence Number Two: The whole monopoly thing. Yes this could be seen as evil if you are litterally a baby. MS is not a monopoly, After all Apple is doing oh so well!

Which leaves pretty much the only real reason anyone has to hate MS, the thing that seems to effect everything in the end. Money.

Yes Microsoft makes alot of money! Is all of this money made from horrible back room deals, cloak and dagger shit, satanic soul part exchanges? No. No of course not you moron. They make that money because Mac, Linux and whatever other childish, horrifically programmed operating systems are shit and are designed by a buntch of Internet hippies who are too pussyfaced to actually go outside and protest something decide to band together to make the worlds worst OS instead. Fuck you dad, I'm designing a lunux distro and its gonna change the WORLD! *includes use for scroll lock, negates to properly test anything*.

Microsoft's clown sized pockets are the cause of alot of antagonism toward them, so let me clear the air for a moment and show you where all of those billions of dollars go and come from.

Based off of some of their quarterly revenue reports, MS makes most of its money from server and business applications. This is no suprise to anyone, what may surprise you is where that money goes. Contery to popular belief the money does not fill the Gates Money Vault, instead the vast majority of it is pumped back into the company, a significant amount paying for wonderful things like R&D, infrastructure costs and pictures of Steve "The Woz" Wozinack to put on dart boards all around the company.

But heres the big kicker, the reason MS will always beat Apple in the eyes of anyone over the age of 15.

Currently Microsoft stands as one of the most charitable companies in the world, with Bill personally have recently made the single largest charitable plegde in the world (A quite staggering $10 Billion dollars to vaccination research and delivery). The total number of corperate donations stands at around $2.8 Billion dollars, mostly to charities dealing with the third world, sick blind kids and that kind of thing.

Despite my best efforts I am unable to see what, if anything, Apple donate to such worthy causes. Argue all the want about how MS is rich enough to do that, but I've yet to see Apple applying its corperate image to help people, only to cheat attention seeking pricks out of their money.

Not all Attention seeking pricks though, as is evident by this post!